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What I meant was: Hold me down.

Instead, she wrapped her arms around me and held me sweetly, nuzzling her face into my neck and chxt my arm lightly with her fingertips. Oh, I thought.

We had just been all sweaty and frenzied and now we were cuddling? Was she purposely withholding?

And then it hit me. She was a thoughtful lover and was just trying to give me what I asked for. She just wasn't kinky, and I am kind of kinky.

For the unfamiliar, that means that I like to do things in bed that some people find unusual. Interestingly, kink preferences often break down along party lines.

Liberals tend to be drawn to BDSM strangeers, domination or discipline, sadism, and masochismwhile conservatives are more likely to be into taboo-breaking activities, like age and incest play. Personally, I like to play with power dynamics.

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In kink circles, this is called domination and submission and they, along with bondage, are some of the most common practices of kinky folks. But it wasn't that long ago that I began exploring this facet of my sexuality. And dough do I bring it up? Disclosure is a privacy and a boundary issue.

While some people say that you should just let your freak flag fly from the very start, there are real risks around putting your private sexual desires out into the public domain, so trust is key. Discrimination happens sxe many different ways.

It felt safe for him to ask and for me to answer honestly because our flirtation was still anonymous. What she said.

Tying someone up the wrong way can lead to all kinds of injuryincluding nerve damage. Consent can also be a great lead in to talking about your kinks.

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In some ways, I was roubh to the kink party — I was basically married for half my life to vanilla folks and I never really thought to sexperiment with them. Most people become more sexually adventurous as they age, and it can take a lot of trial and error before you get good at saying what you like out loud to new partners.

A few weeks ago I hooked up with my sweet, snuggly friend again. She straddled me and playfully held my hands together over my head.

When I resisted, she let go. And then she held me down. I think I like her. This rouggh was originally published on July 1,